Message from 10 Downing Street


London SW1



Dear people of the United Kingdom.

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the

economy, your Government has decided to implement a scheme to put

workers 50 years of age and older on early retirement. This scheme

will be known as RAPE(Retire Aged People Early).



Persons selected for RAPE can apply to the Government to be eligible

for the SHAFT scheme(Special Help After Forced Termination).



Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the

SCREW program(Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be

RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government

deems appropriate.



Only persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for

Dependants & Spouse) or

HERPES( Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or

SCREWED any further by the Government.



Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive as much

SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has

always prided itself in the amount of SHIT it gives out. Should you

feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the

attention of

your local MP. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.







I am writing this with “Verdana-14” font since you are above 50 years.



Sincerely,

GORDON BROWN